I originally wanted to go ahead and put the journal into this post, but it's 9 pages, so really entirely too long. However, I'll give you the gist of it. We started on July 31, 2012. I weighed 212 lbs at that time, and it had been about a year since I had done Weight Watchers and lost 40 lbs, most of which I had gained back, but not quite all. I was wanting to get back down to where I had gotten, and maybe even make some more inroads into my goal weight. This has been a recurring theme with me. Josh wasn't supremely overweight, but he wanted to lose some, and I think he was sure I wouldn't try Insanity unless he did it, too. Which is entirely true. So we did it together, and we did it after work.
It was hard. I couldn't do the moves, I felt like I was failing every workout. Josh could do it much better than I could, and he didn't seem to hurt as much. I was sore every day for the first week. It got easier as we kept at it, and I began noticing little successes. For example, I could do the stretching moves pretty well, and here's a little quote from my journal on that point:
Today I could do every form and even hold many of the stretch poses. Some I couldn’t hold NEARLY as long as the instructor wanted—a couple of the squat poses and lunge poses required a holding stamina that I just don’t have…yet. I’m sure it was only about 30 seconds, but they felt like 5 minutes. I credit shaving my legs with giving me the balance to do some of the poses. I had to stretch a leg out and reach high and hold it for a while…there’s lots of stretching and balancing in the shower on one foot in shaving legs, just saying.
That was a good bit of progress for me at the time, because before that, my journal is mostly full of complaining about how hard the workout is. So, I started noticing improvements, and then I began to have knee pain, which bothered me. I mean, of course it bothered me, but I was actually more worried that it would make me quit, and by that time, I didn't want to quit. Josh was having knee pain, too, but he had knee surgery right after our son was born, so he had an excuse. We got knee braces. They helped tremendously and we kept going.
We started off doing the workouts every night after work, before dinner. But I didn't like that schedule because of my son. He was four at the time, and making him wait for dinner was really hard on everyone, and it felt mean and selfish. Plus, that time after work was my time to spend with him, and working out was seriously cutting into it. Waiting until after he was in bed at 8 was not a great option, because I was already tired from working all day, and by 8 really tired, plus would have eaten already. I don't like working out after I eat--it makes me queasy. So Josh agreed to get up in the morning and do it before work. That was an improvement, and we kept going some more.
We made it through the first two weeks, only missing one workout, which we made up on the 'rest' day. We took the fit test again and saw some improvements, but neither of us had lost any weight. I had even gained two pounds. That part was discouraging, but everyone was saying "you're building muscle", etc. And I felt like we were eating more, because all the working out made us hungrier, so I resolved to cut back on the calorie intake. I did have a lot more energy, and could feel a difference in my willingness to get up and do things -- like my outside chicken chores, etc. So we kept going.
Then Josh quit halfway through a warm-up, leaving me to finish the workout on my own. I did, but I was worried about him. He was super sore, especially his knee, but also his ankle. So I made him take a hot bath, which helped a little. Here's my journal entry from the next day:
I
thought for sure I would be sore all day today, since I hurt so bad yesterday
after the five hour zoo tour/killer workout combo. Surprisingly, when I got up
this morning, I didn’t hurt at all. My husband’s knee felt a little better
today, but his ankle and muscle down his leg is hurting him. I tried to get him
to go to the doctor, but he didn’t want to go. Today’s workout was the pure
cardio plus cardio abs one. So my husband wanted to do the abs first, since he
was hurting too much to do the other. Which we did, and I guess because I was
more rested than the last time when we did the abs AFTER the cardio, I was able
to do the moves a bit better. So naturally I felt the workout in my abs WAY
more than I did before. Wow. He did very well during the ab workout. And he
started the cardio, but had to quit again once the bouncing jumping jacks
started. So he watched me finish. And complimented my form during the
stretches, which did make me feel very good. But I still am worried…I guess if
he can’t do the workouts, he can cheer me on through them and that would help me
in my selfishness—I really do want to finish all 60 days. But I wanted him to
do this, too. It’s more fun to do it together—misery loves company and all
that. Actually, I was really enjoying our progress and sense of accomplishment
that we were sharing. So I hope his body will cooperate and let him continue
this exercise journey with me. I hurt tonight from the workout—my right
shoulder especially. But I’m proud that I did it all. And I’m looking forward
to my favorite “cardio recovery” tomorrow. Maybe he can do that one, since it’s
less bouncy and more stretchy. We’ll see.
But the next three days he didn't work out, either. Then he started back with me after the next rest day. And we finished week four together, and he noticed that I had improved a lot more that he had on the next fit test. He remarked that his days off made a huge difference, to his detriment. We were looking forward to the recovery week. Here is my journal entry about that:
Today
was day 27 and tomorrow is a day off. So I’ve been officially doing this for
four weeks. Next week is the recovery week, which I don’t expect to be EASY
exactly, but it shouldn’t be quite as hard. We do the same workout every day
for six days next week. What’s supposed to happen after that is we go into
month two, which kicks it up a notch, into MAX INSANITY or what I like to
refer to as “WE HAVE LOST OUR DAMN MINDS”. However, my husband made a proposal
the other day. He started it off like this: “Since we were both SO out of shape
to start with,” which of course made me really want to listen to the rest of
what he had to say. I wanted to retort with “speak for yourself, Buddy.” But of
course, that would have been a lie. I was
woefully out of shape. I’m not sure you can consider me “in shape” now, but I’m
“more in shape than I was” which is progress. So instead of biting his head
off, I listened to the rest of his proposal. After the recovery week, he wants
to start back over at DAY 1 instead of moving on to MAX INSANITY. Then after
repeating the previous 28 days which we just accomplished, we would then have
another week of recovery and then
LOSE OUR MINDS.
Well, I was initially completely
against the idea. I’ve come so far! I’m nearly half done! Why would I want to
ruin my progress? What is he thinking? I mean, why would I want to turn a 63
day goal into effectively a 98 day goal? Are you kidding me? No way! So I
stewed about that for about a day. But, here’s the thing. He’s not been able to
quite do the first 28 days completely. Though he did take a DVD with him on his
business trip, and he did work out, he only did the 17 minute abs workout,
which let me tell you IS a workout. But he didn’t have time to do the pure
cardio along with it. He did work out with me when he got back, but last night
he only did half the workout and today I did the workout by myself because he’s
off gallivanting out of state for a shooting competition. I don’t know if he’ll
do the workout when he gets home or not. Plus he took about half of last week
off as well, due to his knee and ankle hurting. What this amounts to is while
I’ve done 28 days, he’s done about 20 and maybe he’s not feeling confident in
his ability to lose his mind yet. Plus, I really don’t want him to get hurt.
His knee seems better, he’s wearing an ankle brace, too, now. I think it’s
helping. But I notice he’s careful with it.
Bottom line is, I need to stop being
selfish. I mean, what’s the REAL goal here? To do this for 63 days just to say
I’ve done the insanity work out? Is that really it? Well, no, actually that’s
secondary. The goal is to get in shape and lose weight. Would adding another 35
days do that? Of course it would. I would go into the MAX INTENSITY even
stronger, even more fit than I am today, and hopefully weighing much less than
I do now. I’m just getting a bit of confidence in the moves we have to do for
the first month’s workouts. Doing them for another month will help me get even
better at doing them and hopefully by the end of doing them I’ll be able to
keep up in every workout without cheating or taking breaks during the
exercises. I’m better. I don’t cheat as much—when I can’t do a move, I do the
best I can instead of doing nothing. I’m always moving. But for example, I
can’t always do the power squat with a hop in between squats. Today I did in
the first and second sets of the circuit, but I couldn’t do it in the third.
This IS an improvement. But doing this rotation again should enable me to do it
every time and maybe even more and faster. So ok, I’m on board with the
extension of the workout.
That is what we did...we did the recovery week, then started over with the first day's workout. We did it for a couple more weeks. That is, we sort of did it. It got to be too hard to get up. Josh didn't want to do it--he was hurting. We had to go out of town for our vacation. I vowed to start back over again when we got back. He promised to do it, too. But we didn't. Then we had to give the DVDs back to the people we borrowed them from. So we quit. I lost about 10 lbs total, but then I wasn't working out anymore and I gained it back over time. It was dark after work, and before work, so I didn't go outside to walk like I had done in the past. I pretty much just gave up. I had all kinds of excuses, but the truth was, I gave up.
I gained more weight, until I was heavier than ever at 220 lbs. It took a long time--over a year. But I was pretty much eating whatever I wanted, disregarding whether it was healthy for me, and not working out in any way. My clothes became too tight, but I refused to buy a larger size, so I just was uncomfortable. I was NOT miserable. Please don't misunderstand me. I am a happy person, and I am very happy with my husband and my son. We have a great life, and no one was critical at all of me in my heavier state. I was tired more, and fatter, and not happy about that, but I was in a lot of denial about my health and physical state, more than anything, so I was not miserable, and it didn't take up a lot of focus in my life. If I thought about it, it was that I was frustrated with my clothes, and my lack of energy. I did want to keep up with my son, and that was becoming physically harder to do. But I didn't dwell. I just coped. I didn't realize that I was missing something. Then, my cousin contacted me.
To be continued in Part II....
